My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have post one night stand depression
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
