its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
