She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
