You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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