a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
