Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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