If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
