If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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