You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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