Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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