New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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