You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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