I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
