Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You need a sexual gate keeper
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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