I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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