it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
