I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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