Say something about gay babies.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
