blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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