Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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