Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
