M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
