Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
