Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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