i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
