I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How's work?
Spinning.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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