hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
