I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
