Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
