So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can I color on your dick again?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
