be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
