nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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