i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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