So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
3 2 1 whiskey
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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