3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
