You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
