My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you had me at cake vodka
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
