Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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