Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize