He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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