How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
