I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
