Do you still have your period?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
