Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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