Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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