I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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