could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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