We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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