What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
