Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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