Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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