If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
a search helicopter?!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i believe in u and ur pee
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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