She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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