I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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