if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
