just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
