i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
