lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
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Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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