she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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