So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
