i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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