I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
