oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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