You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My vagina just clenched in fear
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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