Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
