He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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