Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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